God's always got a custard pie up his sleeve.

- Margaret Forster



I have been watching the debates between the first-round candidates on both sides with some interest. Politics has always been a venue for not-so-guarded name calling, and I have to wonder what the air is like backstage both before and after the on-camera snipes fly. As much as anything, it is often the case that after the primaries one of the candidates on the stage is going to be the front-running choice for the campaign, and another may well end up as his (or her) running-mate. Just how do you walk up to someone you just finished calling a bowlegged weasel and put out a hand to say welcome to the ticket?



It seems to me that part of the problem is the forum; we see the candidates all lined up standing behind tiny podiums trying their best not to move around too much lest they be marked as nervous. Furthermore, I have noticed that the podiums have indeed been getting smaller and smaller - maybe for the express purpose of spotting a Herve Villachez clone lurking there feeding answers to a faltering candidate.



Genuinely I think the idea of the debate has seen better days. The answers are all pretty canned any more, and there just is not enough fire in the insults. I have been considering suggesting an alternative forum in the form of a pie-throwing contest. Certainly it would allow the candidates to vent their feelings in a very real manner, and act as a throw-down to ensure that we are truly getting a candidate who has a steady arm and good aim. Given the fact that no politician is ever going to give an answer from the podium that expresses his/her genuine feelings, at least with a good old-fashioned cream pie in the face we might get a valid impression of what each candidate is made of. Do they flinch? Do they get even? Do they laugh maniacally and pull out a shotgun?

I know, I know, some would consider this crazed. After all wouldn't it tend to sway the public toward anyone who looks particularly good with a face full of custard? But then, it would not be the first time a clown got elected.