- You infernal machine! Give me a beverage or give me my money back!
I have come to the conclusion that the machines in my office building have negotiated a deal to confront and destroy. I bought a soda the other day, and instead of a Diet Coke the machine spit out a Mountain Dew. Who drinks Mountain Dew? I tried again and got a Dr. Pepper - which would have been all right except it, like the Mountain Dew, was full-sugar; while I don't avoid sugar completely, my waistline is telling me I do need to be cautious if I am to continue to use this desk chair.
I decided to open the Dr. Pepper anyway and left the Mountain Dew on top of the machine as a freebie for someone else - it was then I realized it had company, as there were three other "Dew's" and two Dr. Pepper's up there already. Obviously a conspiracy is afoot. Popping the top on the can, it showered me; the rough trip through the machine (that rolling clunking rumble after you hit the selection button that takes the can a good 30 seconds to maneuver like a ride through a carnival fun-house) had shaken the contents into a frenzied state before hurtling it out of the chute at me.
I have to wonder what defect of mentality it is that persuades us to put up with these machines of war. Why isn't Homeland Security looking into this - surely the soda-can-bomb qualifies as a hazard. Not to mention the fact that the machine had decided arbitrarily that I would not get the Diet Coke I had asked for oh so politely. I started to inquire about the lost 65cents I had deposited, the phone number posted on the machine led me into a trail of answering machines and endless codes to punch in, and I am sure this has put me onto some sort of Homeland Watch-List. I gave up, they can keep the 65 cents. I finished the Dr. Pepper, its carbonated prune-juice essence strangely appealing. Okay so I liked it. The mission of infiltration found its mark, I was weak, I succumbed. If I am any clue, we as a nation are doomed to be overtaken, one soft-drink at a time.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
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2 comments:
.....and all this because we haven't been to the store to replenish our fridge at home! :)
Stupid foot!
Must be related to the old glass-front milk and juice machine in the library in SLC! A couple years ago a bottle of V-8 committed suicide by leaping off the top row and spraying its contents all over the inside of the glass. This year there's a new machine. When a bottle is chosen a cross bar rises from the depths. A gripper mechanism grasps the lucky bottle and cradles it as it descends to the exit pad. The bottle tips out to great you AND a light comes on!! And all of this is at least two feet off the floor! No more sticking your arm into dark, sticky caves to feel around for your bottle/can!!
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