Certamen bikini-suicidus-disci mox coepit?

- Does the Bikini-Suicide-Frisbee match start soon?

I saw this news article this afternoon come across the Associated Press newswire.

Thirteen-year-old Morgan Pozgar has the fastest thumbs in the West.
And the East, too.
She won the LG National Texting championship over the weekend.
The Pennsylvania teen took the crown by typing the word "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" from "Mary Poppins" in just 15 seconds.
Morgan defeated nearly 200 competitors to become East Coast champion and then beat the West Coast champ -- 21-year-old Eli Tirosh of Los Angeles -- in the New York competition.
Morgan won $25,000 and said she's going on a shopping spree.
She gets plenty of texting practice. Morgan figures she sends more than 8,000 text messages a month on her cell Phone.


Okay. I know that speed is important, and speed in communication can be as vital as content. So as long as Morgan Polzer is able to work Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious into her daily conversations she is at the helm of a ship ready to explore the horizons of the imagination. I do have to wonder though just why we are paying quite this much attention to the abilities of her incredible thumbs - apparently unbeknownst to me the strength of great thumbitude is a new superpower, able to conquer foes and overcome the woes of mankind. We should obviously (and perhaps already are) be teaching this skill in Grade School - far be it that we sacrifice it for the utility of Rithmatic (as we have already seen the demise of that course's needs with the advent of the calculator and computer).


What I actually find fascinating by this report is the thought that I am horribly behind. I tried to send a text message to Mary a while back and once I had typed it in and hit a couple of buttons it went someplace but not to its intended recipient...someplace out there someone - probably a convict at Sing-Sing going by the name of "Mary" got my cheerful little note signed off with xx's and o's.


I digress. My real thought on this report is the fact that I have to wonder what physical attributes this young girl has to accomplish such a feat. Most athletes who have accomplished such world-level recognition as this have muscles which they are able to sport; does this young girl have like-developed thumbs? Superthumbs we might call her. A new form of Super-Hero is born. She may soon have her own comic book. With 8000 text messages a month (have her parents gotten that bill yet...?) you have to consider the fact that there are 8000 others like her out there - others who like her are developing their own Super Thumbs. It is like an epidemic - soon all grade schoolers will have thumbs the size of hot dogs, and later the size of salamis...who knows how far it will go. One day, humanity will have developed with Super Thumbs at birth - it will be a natural progression of natural selection. Only the biggest-thumbed will survive. And for the use of text-messaging, the use of speech will have become obsolete, so who knows, maybe sounds will be reduced to grunts as the super-thumbed generations hammer away at tinier and tinier micro-chipped keyboards. It is a vision. Wow.

All I can say is I hope Morgan Pozgar's shopping spree includes some nice stretchy mittins. She'll need to protect those babies!